Day 69- Flying by the Seat of My Pantaloons

I am back, finally.

Let’s just say that the past month has been a topsy turvy, bit of an unraveled mess.

I still haven’t quite moved in to my dad’s house. I am definitely out of my rented place, but I haven’t quite made the transition yet of moving back home. Basically I’m living at my boyfriend’s house, and partly out of my car.

 

That was great, albeit chaotic, except that a few days ago I was rear-ended by an RV at 30 mph. 

Basically, I was stopped a crosswalk for pedestrians, and then I was unstopped when the RV rammed into my poor VW Beetle. 

So my temporary, transportable home is shacking up at a collision service center, and I’m not sure if I will get her back or not. 

I also have come to terms with the fact that emergency situations will never happen to me when I look presentable. Not only did I have boxes of clothing and a few food packages mulling around Bettie (my Beetle), I was also dressed half in my pajamas, complete with my doc marten, shit-kicking boots. So I’m sure the person who hit me was thinking he just hit the white trash jackpot. 

The fact that I’m worried about those details should tell you how serious the accident was. 

I have a bit of pain in my neck, shoulders, rib cage and a strain in my left arm, but I don’t think anything super serious. 

Mostly, I’m thinking about poor Bettie and how I never have shaved legs when I go into the emergency room.

I also had to miss work because I can’t lift anything right now. (Who will lift the bucket of fry sauce in my stead?)

And now I have more doctor’s appointments because exploding ovaries and thyroid meltdown wasn’t enough.

Le Sigh.

Before I get to whiny, I should just say that I am getting my school stuff worked out, finally! 

I am very excited! I can’t wait to look over my degree with eyes a-crazed, glimmering with the hope of future salvation. It’s so close. So very close. 

 

On the other hand, my grandmother’s MRI revealed more lymphoma in her brain, so now she has to have gamma radiation treatments… in her brain. 

Who else is tired of this cancer shit? Can we just say enough already?! Shit!

I watched “Elysium,” the other day and it was such a tease. The cure for cancer is basically lying down on a cat scan bed while visions of pixelations dance or’e your head. 

*sigh*

In this mad month, I also lost a best friend.

The roommate I was living with told me that after we moved out, she wasn’t going to be my friend anymore. It went a little something like this, “I don’t think it’s worth having a friend that I’m mad at all time.” 

 

Over text message too! 

 

I suppose it’s a bit petty to put this on the interwebs, but I don’t really have a constructive way to channel my grief. All my other friends are mutual friends, except for friends that she despises, and that’s not really a good audience for what I’m feeling. I’ve lost friends before, but that was high school when I had “mega loser” stapled to my face (metaphorically, of course).

It sucks, basically. 

I want to say, “Hey remember all this shit we’ve gone though- together! We’ve been best friends for 6 years! 6 years! We know terrible things about each other, c’mon!”

She’s the friend that followed me to Germany.

The friend that spent New Year’s Eve by the Colosseum with me.

She stood by my side though the past 6 years of heartaches. 

I have so much grief over losing this friendship. I don’t think people should quit on each other. I know we had agony from being roommates, but what we needed was space, not an end to our friendship.

And on the other hand, now I remember all the terrible things she has done or said to me. I remember just taking in her lies and putting up with her day-to-day bullshit: her antagonizing my own friends, and her back-handed compliments. 

On one hand I want to force her to be my friend, and then on the other, I just want to punch her in her stupid face. 

You can see how healthy this is. 

However, because I have lost my friendship with her, I have re-evaluated my relationships with other people. I guess I’ve reached my “breaking point.” I don’t want or need “friends” who just want something, or friends who make me feel like less of a person.

I just can’t anymore. If people want to think I’m a certain way, they can do that without me around.  

On the plus side of this mad month, I had a pay raise of 5 cents, read multiple books on my banned book list, and obtained some seriously awesome Wonder Woman comics!

And did I mention that I’m getting my school shit figured out!?

Yippee!

First stop: burger joint, second stop: THE WORLD. 

Image

It could happen, who knows? Right now I’m just flying by the sea of my pantaloons…

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