I am excited for fireworks and elephant ears.
I just wish that people might.. maybe use their turn signals while they’re driving?
I don’t think they realize that turn signals are actually built into their automobiles. Maybe it’s the glamour of Independence Day just ‘merican-ing their brains- it makes them think that other drivers can now magically read their minds. (Fat Americans drunk driving can be glamorous, right?) This would normally just be an annoyance, but since the celebrations have so many idiots on the road all at the same time, it’s getting quite hazardous to be out and about. Combine that with alcohol and general patriotic zeal, and then my only discourse is cursing quite audibly hoping that my words will magically plunder the listenholes of careless drivers while I contemporaneously do a sort of arm rain dance to bring about the next great plague and clear up the roads a bit.
You know what I mean. If you’re wrathful like me, you know you’ve thought about how lovely a plague would be so you could just get where you need to go. You of course, ignore the impracticalities of such a thing, because hey, road rage. Instead of ushering in the apocalypse though, you have to settle for gesturing to other drivers that they are indeed, asscakes.
Stop riding your brakes people.
Stop coming to a complete stop before making a turn!
Stop texting while you’re driving. Please, you canoe of douche.
And so many pedestrians, so little horsepower.
Sigh. Just give me an elephant ear and I will don my red, white, and blue; like the rest of these nationalistic nuisances.