So the whole reason I made this blog and started this 100 day journey which we are now on day 38 of, is because I am going through a weird time in my life where I am feeling like I’m not a very good person.
I’ve been feeling a.) little bit useless b.) a little bit lazy c.) a bit stupid and d.) essentially an oxygen thief from productive members of society.
So I started this blog thinking hey, there was this thing I used to do all the time to make myself feel better, or to quiet my mind; and sometimes I made stuff that made people laugh or cry or have some sort of emotional reaction. That was writing.
Now when I was younger I knew that I was going to be a writer (I wrote my first book when I was 5), but ever since college, I haven’t pursued that dream at all.
Frankly, I’ve been absolutely so terrified at being a failure at it, that I haven’t even tried.
I have been so stuck on what other people have said about it being impossible to make it as a writer, how there are so many poor writers out there and how so many people have so much more experience than me I couldn’t possibly have a chance.
I remember how one girl I studied abroad with told me that I had no chance of making it as a writer, but her, well she well on her way to becoming an award winning journalist.
She had never even read a single piece I had written.
And so I listened to her, to everybody; I stopped writing completely. I focused my attention on work instead of school, and hanging out instead of being creative. And I guess she had a point, if I listen to one stupid thing a stupid person has said, I will never make it.
The end result has been a long period of my life where I have felt absolutely miserable. I stopped playing guitar, stopped reading, stopped doing anything that used to be my core characteristics.
So here I am again, trying to fight my way back in, with a somewhat uncooperative mind.
And again, that’s why I started this blog. I needed to write, I needed to read, I needed someone else to read what I had to say even if that person was just a family member trying to be supportive.
So here we are, 38 days in. I have to be honest that some days it does not seem worth it, or important; where I’d rather sit on my bed in misery watching expired TV shows on netflix, while stuffing my face with cheesy popcorn and indulging in nihilism.
Time isn’t waiting for me to get my shit together though.
I felt uninspired to write today so I tried to brainstorm things that I had seen or wanted to do in the past, and I remembered that one of my goals was to make a response video to Jenna Marbles, who I watch religiously on YouTube.
This isn’t quite the same thing, and the video I’m responding to is rather old, but nonetheless it is entitled “Things I’m Awesome At.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C7MDjeNZiAI
I think she was right: we do need to remind ourselves about things we are good at, (even if they’re not remarkable), especially when things feel shitty.
And yeah, I’m going through a weird time in my life. I don’t even know if I can make a list of things I’m good at, but here goes:
1. I am exceptionally good at making grilled cheese sandwiches. Think you need to watch your diet, that I’m using too much butter and cheese? Prepare to have your mind blown. And yes, I cut these puppies straight down the middle. I don’t diagonally cut, motherfuckers.
2. I’m exceptionally good at memorizing lyrics to songs, even ones I don’t like. Want to know the lyrics for Shakira’s “She Wolf?” I’ve got you covered, sugar plum!
3. I can remember dates and useless facts like nobody’s business. Want to know what year the Spanish- American war was? How about how many hockey sticks Canada imports from Russia every day? I can tell you!
4. I too, have a really good shot poker face. Yeah, I really just loved that shot of vodka, my esophagus isn’t burning at all! How ’bout another?
5. I rock at finding books in a library that has a Library of Congress call number system. I don’t even need a call number.
6. I’m really good at tipping, even when the server doesn’t have to rely solely on tips. I tip always, even for bad service. Hey, maybe that person needs a good tip to feel better about their day, cause the service industry sucks radioactive turtle piss.
7. I’m exceptional with awkward pauses. Don’t know how to say something? No worries, I don’t either. I’ll just stay quiet long enough for you to figure it out.
8. I’m exceptional at ranting. Some people might say that’s a bad thing. I say, it’s providing a very useful service of giving a whole bunch of somewhat necessary information at once in a very short amount of time.
9. I am really good at making lists. I have lists on this blog, I have lists on my phone, I have lists on my wall at home. I have lists everywhere. They make me feel good.
10. I’m fantastic about being late for social gatherings. Some people may also think this is a bad thing, but hey, no one’s ever wondering where Bree is. Bree is late, like she always is, duh.
So there you have it. The top ten things I am good at, or rather the first 10 things that came to my mind that I’m good at. I have 10 things! That’s a lot more than I thought I had. Isn’t it just inspiring?
Quick! Here’s a really creepy unrelated photo: