Day 35- I Abhor Your Children

I abhor you children; yes I do.

Both Toddler One and Toddler Two.

Monkeys of howling, growling goo

Please, let me crush them with my shoe!


That beautiful poem was brought to you by me, Bree. Hater of the innocents. It’s not my fault though. Today was a long day. A customer threw a tantrum on me and his wife because she wanted a refillable diet pepsi that was $2.25.  A WHOLE TWO DOLLARS AND TWENTY-FIVE CENTS! Apparently she can’t drink that much, she won’t drink that much, YOU WON’T DRINK THAT MUCH. 

Sigh, people are idiots.

Immediately following that, a husband and wife came in with their mewling brats in tow. I normally just ignore the existence of petulant pills, but today had a special treat in store for me. Apparently these people have never been informed of how annoying their children are, or it has simply never occurred to them that perhaps they should tell their brats to behave. Toddler One stood on his chair for a full ten minutes, howling. Seriously. Their child was howling at full lung capacity for ten minutes. 10 minutes! For no reason, and they did nothing about it. 

Toddler Two decided that our current ecosystem was underdeveloped. Apparently, it needed more fry sauce. Fry sauce is apparently the best way to make a thriving, slippery catastrophe on waxed linoleum. Unfortunately for him, he was not able to make it self-sustaining because eventually his parents took him with them when they left the restaurant. They did leave the new marshland of fry sauce and napkins in good faith though. 

In this instance, could you count the demon spawn as an invasive species? 

In which case, do they have a bounty price for their pelts? 

AAaaand I’m talking about skinning/scapling children. Fantastic.

This is a blog of many colors.

I just don’t understand why people reproduce and then don’t parent their offspring. If you’re not going to teach your kids how to behave in public, either a.) take a remedial course in birth control options or b.) don’t let them outside with the rest of us. 

I understand the children will misbehave in public even with good parents, but come on, take some responsibility and shut them the hell up. Clean up after them. 

The moral of the story here: Don’t let your sexual time go awry! Use protection and don’t multiply.


Following that lovely happenstance, was a family who basically had a meltdown over the option between romaine and iceberg lettuce. I wanted to tell them, “this tantrum is old hat to me now. Please try some other button to push.”

I think all the options we have in a capitalist economy are turning us into self-entitled, bumbling idiots.  

I didn’t read anything today. I went to sleep immediately following work. Then I cleaned my boudoir. I only have my grandma today though, so maybe the opportunity will present itself. 


One Comment Add yours

  1. Amy Schulz says:

    Ah, Breeness! Thank you for giving me a laugh! Those parents that left a marshland of napkins, allowed their child to howl….clearly, these two should not have reproduced. I’m thinking that this is the result of two possible scenarios: 1) It sounds like these two parents weren’t even finished with their process of becoming normal, decent people themselves…..when two people like this reproduce, the results are disastrous. We are currently seeing in our society, the results of several generations multiplying, with this mentality. We really should have controls on who can breed and who cannot. Because the end results create “drains on society”….people who other taxpayers must take care of. 2) The parents are still quite inexperienced with how to deal with misbehavior in public. All little demons learn very quickly that they can push the limits in public. Because if ANYONE catches a parent giving their child a much needed “five across the eyes,” you can bet your ass that it will be reported to the authorities. This is what I mean, when I say that the liberals “want our children.” Those bastards want to be able to tell us how to raise our children, when really what they need is a good, slap upside the head (the kids too). It is quick, simple, and doesn’t cost a thing!

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