Day 29- Things that are Ruining the Marriage I Don’t Have

This one goes out to you, Seashells.

I hate to pontificate, but I’m a Democrat- and with Joe Biden as vice president, I think we’re all a little used to it by now. 

I just want to say, “gay marriage,” or hmm, the “right to marry” should be afforded to everyone who so desires that horrible fate. 

Which is why I’m going to talk about this. 

My lovely friend Seashells and I were having somewhat serious discussion about how ridiculous it was for people to think that gays getting married would actually affect their own unions. 

And I can even understand from a Christian point of view, that you want to uphold society to a certain level of righteousness. 

However, the problem which should have been overstated at this point, is that no matter how much you believe in the God and Jesus fellows, you still have no right to enforce those beliefs on everybody else. I mean, I’m just going to skip past all those arguments about the Bible being written by a nomadic superstitious tribe of genocidal maniacs 3,500 years ago, or Christians cherry-picking particular verses and ignoring others, or rampant divorce among Christians, etc, because people don’t care.They believe what they believe because it’s faith. Fundamentally though, we all have to understand that our own beliefs are not something we can expect others to be obligated to.  Fundamentally, we have to actually look at the people whose lives we affect, and not just make assumptions- like whether they can raise children or just subvert the innocents. Fundamentally, if other peoples’ heterosexual marriages don’t affect yours, then why on earth would a homosexual one affect it?

So yeah, arguments against the gays, that’s where I was before I went on a devil worshiping spree…

The conversation I had with Seashells turned into a laughing riot when we applied the argument that gay weddings ruined the sanctity of marriage into everyday annoyances. We also shortened “marriage” into “murrige” so we could sound really American.


Follow me here:

That driving asshat who thinks he needs to come to a complete stop before making a right hand turn. 

He’s ruining my ‘murrige.

That woman who is morbidly obese, bra-less, wearing a Grumpy from Snow White shirt that says, “I am not always right, but I’m never wrong,” pushing her arm in front of my face because she couldn’t wait a whole 60 seconds to get to the clearance meat bin at the grocery store.

She’s ruining my ‘murrige.

Anybody at all who has ever worn cros, or socs with the Jesus sandals. 

They are ALL ruining my ‘murrige.

And finally anybody who has ever said “Well looks like somebody has a case of the Mondays,” well.. they just shat on my ‘murrige certificate itself.


Yeah, all those things, that’s how ridiculous people sound to me when they try to argue against everybody having equal rights. Marriage doesn’t belong to any one group. It belongs to all cultures, all peoples of every creed and race. Your logic is invalid. 

Lady Gaga… she’s ruining my ‘murrige.

“pa pa pa poke his butt.”

Subtle, subversion right there.

Anyway, I was going to talk about the Judy Blume novel I finished today. That was “Forever,” by the way. And for a quick reference to my innermost dialogue- the parts I felt most connected to the events of the story was when the main character felt pressured into “giving it up” before she was ready.

See here’s the thing. I think sex is an awesome, natural part of human life that should be celebrated. I don’t believe that sexuality is a reflection of the worth of a human being so people should have as much of it, or as little of it as they desire so long as their actions do not hurt their partners. However, there were parts of the story where I wanted to scream at the main character, “you tell that motherfucker to take his hands off of you and that you won’t be pushed into anything you don’t want to do.”


It’s probably my personal experience, and the fact that I was unable to stop someone from doing that to me, that I feel so angry about it. No, I wasn’t raped, but there were sketchy circumstances that I wish I would of had the strength to call someone out on their behavior. 

The other night I had an hour long conversation with the man who had acted that way to me. I was livid when I realized the only reason he was sorry was because he offended his religion, not because he had hurt me. 

So to wrap this up, I am feeling a little angsty about religion right now. Most of all, I am directing a lot of hate at myself. 

It’s affecting the marriage that I don’t have. 

That was a terrible joke, but hey, what else can I do about it now?

ImageBecause your logic offends me. (Artwork courtesy of: Dana Bergman)



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