Day 28- Things I Always Lie About on Job Applications

So I applied for a couple graveyard positions for some local 24 hour restaurants (graveyard wouldn’t conflict with my current job) and without fail, there is always a questionaire which you are “supposedly supposed to” answer honestly.  . 

See you rate your responses from STRONGLY DISAGREE to DISAGREE to NEITHER DISAGREE NOR AGREE to AGREE to STRONGLY AGREE.

I feel like there are so many shades of color just left out here.

And for whatever hilarious reason, there is always, always the question, “I would be happy to work serving others for the rest of my life.”

Oh potential employers, why do you make me lie to you?

That would just be my absolute dream come true! I want to take orders forever! I would like my lasting legacy on earth to be dependent on how fiercely I can smile for strangers while listening to their asinine commentary! Thank you so much for asking!

Then it says, “It’s always easy for me to think of things to talk about in conversation.”

Yes! Of course! Absolutely! i never give out weirdo vibes to anyone!

My absolute favorite are questions about how I would respond to angry customers or poor management. Like they’re gonna catch me saying, “I’D BEAT A MOTHERFUCKER WITH ANOTHER MOTHERFUCKER! OH YOU WANT ANOTHER FREE REFILL? TIME TO GET THE STEEL CHAIR!”

This is ‘Merica dammit, I don’t have to like your stupid ass, just as long as you pay me to wait on it. 

I really just want to say, “look if, you pay me to do a job- I’ll do it while singing and dancing. I like money.” 

So obviously I’m not really a “people person,” but customer service is about what I’m qualified for at the moment. 

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One Comment Add yours

  1. Amy Schulz says:

    Heh, heh, heh! Those questionnaires are retarded. Here’s something that just happened to my friend, Kelly, who is also involved in the job search. She was filling out one of those stupid on-line questionnaires, and it asked her to disagree or agree if: 1) It is acceptable to use drugs while on the job. 2) It is okay to steal from your employer. Yes! You know we must be in the decline of society when future employers must ask these questions…..*sigh* (Actually, I remember getting very angry, that these were the questions forwarded to me, when I applied for a job a couple of years ago–I was so mad, I just left–but not before voicing my disgust to the people administering the bullshit application). But that isn’t the worst of it! As Kelly was answering these questions, she noticed that the site kept changing the responses to her questions! She changed them back to her original answer, checked back, and sure enough, the site had changed them back to the opposite of what she had replied!!!! She was pissed, concerned, and sent an email to the contact person (as of this a.m., she hadn’t yet received a response!). Her husband advised her to bring the matter up to their lawyer, as this information could have gone viral?! Be very careful with the sites you apply for work on.

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