Day 14- Spawn of Hell: and Other Names for Children

Today was Chaos. 

It’s still not over for me, but I wanted to do one thing that I actually enjoyed today. Besides, if I had to stand for one more minute without a break, I’m afraid my heels would have carved themselves off of me and left a bloody trail to the nearest bag of potato chips.(In this hypothetical situation, I’m not really sure how or why my heels would enjoy a bag of potato chips, but let us just assume they have osmositisized my utter devotion to those delicious and starchy, ground-vegetables… yeah. Just made “osmositisized” up, right on the spot! Take that Shakespeare!)

I still have to clean for my aunt before I can go to sleep, so I can wake up and take care of my grandma, so I can then rush to work for the closing shift. 

It is amazing. Two weeks ago I had zippy skippy going on, and now the only day I have had off this week has been Tuesday- which I spent luxuriously at an Urgent Care facility. 

Today as well, one of my family members made fun of my new job for a whopping ten minutes. It was as I always say, “truly magical.” 

I realize it’s not a glamorous job, but I’m working! 

This is sort of what I was talking about yesterday, the shame of not exceeding the unexceptional haunts me. I loathe that people look down on me for what I do. 


In my thought process, I know I should not give two lazy, flying, monkey fucks what other people think (since so many do it so little), but in my darkest emotional state, I am truly haunted by the opinions of others, especially family.


I am just going to admit right here, that I did not get any reading done today, nor will I likely get any done tomorrow. But here’s to hope. What did happen today, was basic First World Survival, and general giving up on inner peace.

I will be cleaning till the wee hours of the morning, and then waking in the morning, and then probably staying up til the wee hours of the morning- all because I am so, so, smart. But here’s what happened earlier:

After working for 7 hours at my second job, and then coming to my aunt’s house where four nocuous neonates were contemporaneously expelling and excreting contamination in some sort of occult constituented cadenced cacophony of choristers to the archfiend authoritant of the apostate angels- I sort of gave up on having a good day. 

But seriously, there were children puking and pooping- often simultaneously while crying. Crying very loudly, I might add. Twins! (Plus their older brother and sister)


Makes me want to rush right out there and start getting these ovaries out in some community-based action orientated research whoring. 

I quip! I quip! 

I do have some names that I have compiled however, that I think are quite useful when talking about hell spawn, which is basically every child. Or, if you actually like children, for whatever arcane aberration that might be, you can use these only when said spawn are really being possessed pills of perdition. I find alliterations quite fun and easy to remember, so please enjoy and offend at your leisure: 


  1. Bothersome Bedevilments
  2. Puissant Pests
  3.  Dream Debilitaters! 
  4. Ordurent Oozing Ogres 
  5. Feces Factories
  6. Moppets of Mephistopheles
  7. Tiny, Terrifying Troglodytes 
  8. Adolescent Adversaries 
  9. Juvenile Jackanapes
  10.  Gooey Gargoyles 

Personally, Moppets of Mephistopheles is my favorite. 

Until next time, 


How every child looks to me


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Amy Schulz says:

    Well, first, I hope that your health issues will get resolved. Personally, I KNOW that you need to be SELFISH and put yourself first. Yep, you heard me–be selfish. It is not noble to put everyone else before your health, especially now, while you are trying to get your health issues resolved. So please heed this!
    Second…..the individual who ranted for ten minutes about your new job needs to SHUT THE HELL UP. He needs to remember his humble roots. What you are doing, Bree, is establishing a work ethic. This is something that all young people must do, before they move on to other things. Surely the dolt who belittled your job understands this? Or maybe he’s just too busy congratulating himself on being a “master of the universe.” Such is the way of chauvenists. I hope you defend yourself brilliantly, as I know you can. You DO NOT have to take his crap.

    Your loving mother!

    1. Breeness says:

      I can always rely on you to berate my enemies til they cry. :D

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