100 Banned Books
100 Weird Goals
100 Days to Change My Life
I, probably like many of you, am kind of just wandering through life right now. I’m not doing it very well either. I’m just kind of “being” for the point of “being” because apparently I don’t have anything better to do. What’s worse, is I’m actually kind of afraid to do anything because everything I have done recently, I have failed miserably at.
Let me start from square one.
I have been in college for approximately 5 years now- and I still don’t have a degree. I am not super on-track to graduate anytime in the near future. What’s more, my eventual degree is kind of useless, to the point of everyone asking “why on earth did you go for that?” Or some variation of, “Well at least you’ll have a degree in something.” Hashtag: People try to comfort me and my $40,000 in student loans. (That’s with scholarships and grants people.)
I know that I should be grateful for the opportunity to study in college- and I am, (trust me?) but honestly, it’s all just kind of a pain in the neck. The Philosophy of Language and 5 years of German are apparently only useful for getting me minimum wage jobs, and I have to ask, what the heck was all that studying for anyway?
I also have to say, I fail at my minimum wage job too. In fact, besides being a grilled cheese making demon, I’m not really good at anything useful.
I can edit a paper like nobody’s business. Need a spell-checker or a grammar nazi? I run that shit. You may think that sounds kind of useful, but what that really means is: I am a terror on facebook. (See also: annoying)
I can rant in linear fashion simultaneously intaking air as I expel words with venom for sheer minutes on end. Yeah. Feminism. Fuck yeah!
And sing-a-longs! I have an unkanny ability to memorize song verses for all songs- even ones I hate. For example, I can sing “Tik Tok” by Ke$ha despite never intentionally trying to retain (or even intentionally listen to) its super poetic verses. Let’s just say, I don’t need a DJ to blow up my speakers tonight. Waaay to busy with Disney and “Wicked” sing-a-longs on YouTube over here.
The point is, being a useless person gets old after awhile. It’s especially old when people you love (ie: your super cool boyfriend with a gift for all things awesome) are excelling at stuff and you’re just kind of hunkering around, hanging out, being useless. It’s especially aggravating when I used to accomplish things! I used to be mother fucking pro at doin’ stuff.
Now I imagine some people might think at this point, “hey you, just do something again- anything!” but you see that’s logical and I’m terrified of that. Also, I can’t play chess to save my life!
Plus, as I’ve mentioned, I kind of suck at everything right now, even though I didn’t always.
I should also mention that my personality also has a flair for the dramatic. I feel within me- a calling for something greater than myself. What is it? I couldn’t tell you! How do I find out what it is? I couldn’t tell you that either! It’s just something. I know that I meant for something more. If only I could find out what that is.
So here is what I’m doing, since I’m afraid to fail and kind of stuck with sucking at everything right now.
The Golden 300.
It’s my own invention (as far as I know, but the world is full of inspiration).
I am going to blog and try to keep track of myself, so my days on earth stop becoming monotany, and start mattering in some universal scheme.
The first step is to read the top 100 banned books from this past decade. (Not necessarily written this past decade, just actively banned.)
I figure these books were probably banned for a reason. Some idea, some vocabulary, something that makes them out of the ordinary. And since I feel out of the ordinary, maybe there is something within them that I need to find. Something for my soul.
So I am going to read these 100 books in some amount of time. And maybe, just maybe I will find the purpose or agenda for me there.
And I’m going to write a list of 100 little goals, and I’m gonna do em.
And I’m gonna blog about my life for the next 100 days while I’m doing all that.
Maybe I am out there- just waiting to be found.